Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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