A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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