why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
