Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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