ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
