i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someone shattered a urinal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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