I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
