Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
