Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
