my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
