Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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