Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
