I must be too annoying 4 u.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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