Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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