Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
