super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
