If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I want a musical about memes.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
