Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
