watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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