Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
