Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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