i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
