Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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