you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
