I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
