you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
