I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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