You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
