Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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