11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
