things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
