If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
