So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
