There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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