im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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