dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
