The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
