If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
