I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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