I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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