There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
