What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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