Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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