FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
