When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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