the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
