i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
