i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
