no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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