actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
