who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
