I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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