chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
