fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
