just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
