shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
