NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Come see our sink grown plant.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
