the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Congratulations! We have a period
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