His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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