And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
