I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
