dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
