his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
