I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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