You work out of a Hotel?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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