you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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